Daniel Davis, LMFT

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How To Talk to Someone About Cancer

May 15, 2018 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

In 1981, my dad had told me that he was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer.  After exploratory surgery, the doctors had told my dad that he had six months to live.

I enjoyed my time with my dad after I learned of his cancer.  My dad and I went out to eat.  We watched the San Francisco 49ers on television and went to Candlestick Park to watch the San Francisco Giants.

In early 1984, my mom told me that Howard Abrams, our family friend, had liver cancer. She told me that liver cancer was particularly deadly. She said that I could go see Howard at University of California, San Francisco, Medical Center (UCSF Medical Center), if I wanted to see him before he died.  I now had two people close to me with a cancer diagnosis, and I was just 21 years old.

I drove up to San Francisco in my Datsun station wagon. UCSF Medical Center was about an hour drive to the north from Silicon Valley where I was born and still live.

I was shocked when I saw Howard. His hair was patchy. His skin had a yellow color from bile from his liver I think. Howard’s watch dangled loosely around his wrist, because he had lost so much weight.

Howard and I chatted for about an hour or so. He seemed to accept his coming death, even though he had a wife and two small children.

In April 1984, one day my mom told me that Howard had died.

In June 1984, I was driving to the Oregon Coast for a vacation as I was on summer break from West Valley College. I left work at 10:00pm and drove up highway 101 all night until I reached Crescent City, a few miles from the California and Oregon border, where I ate breakfast. After eating, I called my mom to let her know I was safe. My mom said, “Your dad died last night.  His heart stopped in the middle of the night.”

Why do bad things happen? I do not know! Cancer seems to be a terrible disease for patients as well as families and friends to endure.

Please watch this video by Janet Childs about what to say to someone who has cancer:

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How To Talk to Someone About Cancer

Filed Under: Blog, Grief and Loss Tagged With: cancer, Candlestick Park, Crescent City, Datsun, discuss, highway 101, Howard Abrams, Janet Childs, liver, lymphatic cancer, Medical Center, Oregon Coast, San Francisco, San Francisco 49ers, San Francisco Giants, station wagon, summer break, talk, talking about cancer, UCSF Medical Center, vacation, West Valley College

Museum: Art as Therapy for Teenagers and Adults

April 26, 2016 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

One of my favorite things to do with my mother – who was born in 1934 – is to go to the De Young Museum which is located in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, California, USA.  My mom loves to go to exhibits with art from all parts of the world.  My mom and I as well as other friends have seen sculptures of sub-Saharan Africa, American artists, art of the Olmec people of ancient Mexico as well as European artists – Mattia Preti, Domenikos Theorokopolos (also known as El Greco), Claude Monet, James Mc Neil Whistler (the painter known for  “Whistler’s Mother”), Pierre-Auguste Renoir, Edgar Degas, Paul Gauguin, Paul Cezanne, Henri Toulouse-Lautrec, Vincent Van Gogh – and modern artists, like Keith Haring and Jackson Pollock.

My mom had a series of strokes that began in 2006.  These strokes made it very difficult for her to communicate at first.  I later realized how much she was able to learn and understand when I took her to the De Young Museum.  I asked her if she wanted to rent the device which would allow her to listen to a description of the art.  My mom said, “Yes.”

I pushed my mom in her wheelchair through the exhibit as she listened with her headset.  I would roll her to each painting, paying careful attention to what she said she wanted to see.  At her request, we stopped at virtually every painting for 3 to 5 minutes.  She listened to every recording – the entire recording – about the artists, the paintings, and the history of when the paintings were created.  Often, we would enjoy a delightful gourmet lunch on the patio, looking out at Golden Gate Park.  These visits were wonderful and have been some of my most joyful moments with my mom as we took the time to absorb great works of artistic masters.

Art has the capacity to transform us.  Symbols are very powerful and can affect us deeply.  A movie such as “Schindler’s  List” or a painting, like the “Mona Lisa” moves many people very powerfully.  A picture is worth a thousand words.  Just one flash of an image can have a profound effect on our emotions and thoughts.

Silence is also very powerful.  We are often afraid of solitude in our American culture.  Our iPhone or television can drown out silence all day long, all year long.  For a lifetime, we can be cut off from our interior life.  We may wake up at 3:00 in the morning with an anxious dream – sweating.

In silence, we can find our compassion and creativity pouring through us.  Once we thought we would never find creativity, then it comes through us like a burst of fire.  The embers of creativity always lie within us smoldering.  This creativity inside us is just waiting us to notice it and express it.  Join Sue Renfrew in this video and learn how to meditate and contemplate about a painting, whether you are at an art exhibit in a Museum or anywhere else.

 

 

Blog 53

Filed Under: Art, Blog, Consciousness Tagged With: ancient Mexico, art, Artists, Claude Monet, compassion, creativity, De Young Museum, Domenikos Theorokopolos, Edgar Degas, El Greco, European, Golden Gate Park, headset, Henri Toulouse-Lautrec, Jackson Pollock, James Mc Neil Whistler, Keith Haring, Mattia Preti, modern artists, Mona Lisa, movie, Museum, painter, painting, Paul Cezanne, Paul Gauguin, Pierre-Auguste Renoir, San Francisco, Schindler’s List, silence, stroke, Sue Renfrew, Vincent Van Gogh, wheelchair, Whistler’s Mother

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About Daniel Davis, LMFT

I create an environment where clients experience their unique significance, authentic empowerment, and profound acceptance and collaborate with clients to identify solutions to their current crises. For more information on how I can help you, contact me today by calling 408-249-0014 or emailing info@danieldavislmft.com. I look forward to speaking with you! Read More…

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Daniel Davis, M.A., LMFT
Counselor in Santa Clara, CA
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