Daniel Davis, LMFT

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Anima and Animus

April 12, 2016 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Have you ever been carried away with a mood? We can be swept away with our emotions and thoughts. A mood can come over us, and we may look back and think, “I just wasn’t myself today.”

One way to think about these emotional storms is that there is a psychological benefit to these reactions. Carl Jung identified the animus and anima as parts of ourselves that erupt and interfere with our relationships and work. A woman has an animus, and a man has an anima. June Singer writes that “anima and animus are those unconscious part of ourselves that carry the mystery of sex which is not ours.”

How we identify with our masculine gender role or feminine gender role can vary greatly from one culture to another. It is obvious that there are – in fact – differences between men and woman. Whether these differences are more psychological or physical is debatable as well as complex. Yet it is obvious that men and women are different.

These differences show up in our dreams and fantasies. The anima shows up in a man’s dreams as an image of a woman, whereas the animus shows up in a woman as an image of a man. This is because the anima and animus are related to what is the opposite of our conscious attitude. When we mature, we develop the opposite attitude to what we cling to in our youth. “Men have dared to discover their vulnerability and their feeling side, while women – more confident now of their strengths – are beginning to take risks which would have frightened them before,” writes June Singer.

Animus is defined as a “usually prejudiced and often spiteful or malevolent ill will” or a “strong feeling of dislike or hatred.” Aminus is the masculine form of the word soul in latin. Yet the animus is not as much masculinity repressed as it is the unconscious other that a woman is prevented from being in her daily life. The part of herself that is furthest from her waking life is what makes up a woman’s animus.

Carl Jung describes the animus as a strange passivity. “In the depths of the woman’s being, the animus whispers: ‘You are hopeless. What’s the use of trying? There is no point in doing anything. Life will never change for the better.’”

When a woman is able to separate herself from her animus, she is able to see that part of herself objectively. She is able to be detached and just notice these negative thoughts and feelings. She does not fall into the false belief that these thoughts are her thoughts. When she simply observes these thoughts and realizes that her response to them makes all the difference, she is able to main a healthy detachment.

A woman’s animus assists her in becoming a complete person by shifting repressed energy into active and creative pursuits. The animus does have negative qualities such as “brutality, recklessness, empty talk, and silent, obstinate evil ideas.” Yet the animus also has a positive and valuable side. The animus can “build a bridge to the Self through creative activity.”

For a man, the anima, represents his unconscious feminine other. The anima symbolically represents the eternal feminine. For a woman, the animus represents her unconscious masculine. Conversely, the animus stands for the eternal masculine. Robert Johnson writes that the “anima and the animus function most effectively for us as mediators between the conscious and unconscious parts of personality.”

When one learns to work with the animus or anima, one discovers a certain kind of genius within oneself. Please watch is short video by Judith Peterson on the animus and learn how to work with this energy to improve how you feel, behave, and feel:

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Filed Under: Blog, Marriage and Intimacy, Projection, Sacred Image, Spirituality Tagged With: Anima, Animus, brutality, Carl Jung, empty, feelings, feminine, gender, Judith Peterson, June Singer, masculine, Mood, negative, negative thoughts, recklessness, role, silent, talk

Expressive Art Therapy

March 8, 2016 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Creativity can save us. We suffer when we lose our sense of creativity. Our lives are full of opportunities to create. When we cook a meal, we are creating. When we build a fence, we are being creative. If I sing to music on my iPhone in the car, I am being creative. In our creativity, there is great promise. Being aware of the possibility of creativity can dramatically improve the quality of our life.

When we feel angry or afraid or shame, we can be creative. It is also true that I can be destructive. I can drink alcohol to excess. I could punch as wall. I may argue with someone that I love. I can yell at the driver of a passing car.

Another set of possibilities is to be creative. The artist’s work is to awaken all that is and all we perceive. Mathew Fox writes: “The artist first does this by waking up oneself to what is. Then he or she can awaken others. The artist finds himself or herself vulnerable to beings and events and takes the time to experience them in depth. In this way, we wake up to being, we awaken to what is and its great depth and mystery.”

When we are feeling overwhelm emotionally, we have the opportunity to wake up to a new reality. Daniel Siegel writes that “emotion is the process of integration that brings self-organization to the mind.”

When we are experiencing emotions, we can work creatively to integrate a larger reality – a wider view of life and the world. When Carl Jung was going through a difficult time in his life, he discovered something important. He found a way to calm himself by being creative. He built a small dwelling on a lake. Dr. Jung also make drawings and paintings when he was emotional. He also build a miniature village like he used to do as a child.

Carl Jung wrote: “Everything seemed difficult and incomprehensible. I was living in a constant state of tension; often I felt as if gigantic blocks of stone were tumbling down on me…. My enduring these storms was a question of brute strength…. To the extent that I managed to translate the emotions into images– that is to say, to find the images which were concealed in the emotions– I was inwardly calmed and reassured. Had I left those images hidden in the emotions, I might have been torn to pieces by them. There is a chance that I might have succeeded in splitting them off; but in that case I would inexorably have fallen into a neurosis and so been ultimately destroyed by them. As a result of my experiment I learned how helpful it can be, from the therapeutic point of view, to find the particular images which lie behind the emotions.”

Please watch this video by Judith Peterson on using art to see reality more clearly and feel better:

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Filed Under: Art, Blog Tagged With: afraid, angry, art, Carl Jung, child, creativity, Daniel Siegel, destructive, drawings, Expressive Art Therapy, Judith Peterson, Mathew Fox, miniature village, paintings, shame, splitting them off

Working Ego

December 29, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

“The ego is the seat of consciousness and if consciousness creates the world, the ego is doing God’s creative work in its effort to realize itself through the way of individuation” Edward Edinger.

The quality of our life is largely dependent on the health of our ego. If our ego is healthy, we will be flexible, strong, compassionate, aware and constructive. Having a healthy ego takes effort; we need to choose to do the work to grow up and mature.

My ego has two basic powers. The first power of the ego is observation, and the second power is choice. These are the two main functions of our minds: to monitor and modify.

What is an ego? When I look out from my eyes and see the world, I am aware of myself and the world. In some ways, it feels no different from when I was 7 years of age. I have a continuity of my sense of identity as an individual. I call this part of myself “I” or “me,” and I am referring to my ego. My ego is the part of me that is aware or conscious.

There are factors which help strengthen the ego: balancing one’s brain, regulating one’s feelings, reclaiming one’s projections, and engaging in self-care. These skills helps one see the world more clearly and make life giving choices. When my brain is balanced, I am able to use both sides of my brain. My left brain is about logic, facts, and time. My right brain is involved with relationships, emotions, and spatial relationships. When the sides of my brain are balanced and connected, I have access to both brain hemispheres when observing the world and making choices.

When I am able to calm myself down, I am able to see more objectively. When I calm myself down, I am not overwhelmed with emotions. As I am able to remain more neutral, my choices are more reflective of the facts of the situation.

A projection is something that interferes with my ability to see clearly. My projections are when I see parts of myself in others. A teenager is having a projection, when he idealizes an athlete or rock star. He is seeing his potential strength and creativity in another person. When he is able to see these projections and reclaim them, he is empowered. He does this by doing the work to develop his skills in music and sports. As he gains mastery in himself, he has more objectivity and confidence. He feels empowered, because he sees himself as he is. He can see his internal power.

When I take care of my needs for sleep, healthful food, exercise, and time with emotionally supportive family and friends, I feel calmer and see more objectively.

When I have a working ego, I am willing to do the work of an adult. I take the steps to keep my ego strong and healthy as an adult. I get 8-10 hours of sleep, eat healthful foods, take time to exercise my body, and talk with empathic friends and family. I also play and have fun. A working ego also implies a willingness to make difficult choices that support the vitality of my life and the lives of others.

An unhealthy ego is an ego that is weak. When an ego is not strong, it attempts to be the only center of the person. When our ego is weak, our energy alternates between thinking we are greater than we are (inflation) and thinking we are less than we are (deflation). It is like a balloon being too full or flat. We are most effective when we see ourselves and the world as we are – no more, no less.

It is possible to wield great power as a president of a company, the leader of a country, or a religious leader, and to still remain quite unconscious. Sadly, this is more often true than not. It is possible to be a leader who manages things and people with great authority and precision and still not be awake. If one does not have the interest or take the time to think introspectively – to examine oneself – then it is impossible to be conscious.

Our ego is formed when we are young. As young baby, our ego begins by being uninformed. We are totally dependent on our parents for survival. We are unable to see ourselves as separate from our mother. Over time, we begin to see that we are separate from our mother and by crying or smiling our mother responds by feeding us, changing us, holding us, or smiling at us. As we gain strength, we become more aware of how we can influence our own life. Our powers of awareness and choice are born in this way.

As we mature in healthy ways, we are able to see that we are not the center of the world. We are aware of the impact of our choices on our family and friends. We are able to consider others and the world as a whole when we make decisions. Some of us consider our Soul and God in our decision making. Possessing a healthy developing ego, we are able to be flexible with others socially. We can choose to love.

Please watch this video by Judith Peterson on the value of a working ego:

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Filed Under: Blog, Recovery, Self-Care, Spirituality Tagged With: Athlete, aware, bonding with mother, choice, compassionate, consciousness, Daniel Siegel, Edward Edinger, flexible, healthy ego, infant development, Judith Peterson, mind, object relationship, observation, projections, reclaiming, regulating emotions, rock star, self-care, strong, teenager, two basic powers, two main functions, weak ego, Whole Brain State, will, working ego

How Do I Deal With Loss?

November 24, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT 2 Comments

In 1981, my father asked me to meet him at Baskin Robbins ice cream store, near my mom’s apartment where I lived. He bought me ice cream, probably a Banana Royale with Pistachio ice cream, hot fudge, and bananas and whip cream. As I ate my ice cream, my dad told me he had cancer. I was on 18 years old and did not expect such adult news. A few days later, I was playing football with friends. I began talking with my friend Chris about traveling to Los Angeles to see the preseason Monday Night Football game between New England Patriots and Los Angeles Rams. By 7:00pm, we were at the airport and waiting for our airplane. We checked into the Newporter, a resort, in Orange County. I let my sadness carry me all the way to Southern California. I remembered in the middle of the trip that my father was having exploratory surgery. I called home and heard he was ok.

When the doctors at Kaiser Permanente Hospital surgically opened up my father’s body, they could see that cancer was riddled throughout his lymphatic system. His doctors simply closed up the incision and told my father that had six months to live. I cherish the time I had to spend with him until his death on June 10, 1984.

I had four people close to me die from April 1984 until August 1985. My response to all of these tragedies was to avoid my sadness. Later in my life, I had to learn to do the work of grief. Sadness has an important function in the grieving process. Grief turns us inward. We can lose energy, poor concentration, experience sleep changes, lose motivation and experience changes in our appetite.

Grief not only has to do with death, but also with the ending of relationships of all kinds, including marriages. Daniel Goleman writes, “The main purpose for sadness is to help adjust to a significant loss, such as the death of someone close or a major disappointment. Sadness brings a drop in energy and enthusiasm for life’s activities, particular diversions and pleasures, and, as it deepens and approaches depression, slows the body’s metabolism. This loss of energy may well have kept saddened – and vulnerable – early humans close to home, where they were safer.”

Whenever you love someone and you are no longer able to spend time with them, you naturally feel pain. Yet there is a difference between the pain as a result of loss and the suffering as a result of false beliefs and avoidance. David Kessler said, “One of the biggest problems is that you might try to push aside or ignore your feelings. You judge them as too little or too much. You carry a lot of bottled up emotions, and anger is often one that is suppressed. In order for it to heal, however, it must be released. We’re not speaking only about anger associated with death, but about anytime we feel anger. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the renowned grief expert who identified the Five Stages of Grief, said we could feel anger, let it pass through us, and be done with it in a few minutes. She went on to say that any anger we feel over 15 minutes is old anger.”

What is the journey to healthy grief and eventually to resolution? I have learned to lean into the sadness as well as other emotions. By acknowledging and consciously experiencing the sadness, we can let go. Our loses need to be integrated psychologically. Grief enables us to update our consciousness with reality. The current loss reveals other losses – not integrated – that lie beneath. Grieving can take time. Eventually, we can remember the wonderful parts of the past and not experience the pain. Janet Childs who works for the Centre for Living with Dying, in Santa Clara, California, USA, said “grieving is like the ocean tides. The grief can come and go. Some days can be harder than others.”

We all experience grief differently. When I am grieving, it really helps to let myself be. I like to pay attention to my body and follow my inclinations. When I am able to minimize my obligations, I am free to follow my inclinations. As long as it is not self-destructive, I indulge myself. If I am tired, I sleep. If I am hungry, I eat. If I just stare off into space, it is ok.

Having empathic and accepting people to listen are invaluable. It helps to have a few good listeners – too not overburden any one person.

During a loss, We may discover that our thoughts are negative. When we break up a relationship, we may think “I will always be alone.” “Why do bad things always happen to me?”

Sadness can be subtle. It is very important and its power as well as the power of all other emotions should not be underestimated. Daniel Goleman writes that sadness is “grief, sorrow, cheerlessness, gloom, melancholy, self-pity, loneliness, dejection, despair, and when pathological, severe depression.” Please watch this video by Janet Childs on grief and loss:

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Blogs by Daniel Davis, grief and loss
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Filed Under: Blog, Emotions, Mindfulness Tagged With: appetite changes, Baskin Robbins, cancer, Centre for Living with Dying, concentration poor, Daniel Goleman, David Kessler, death, definition and purpose, doctors, drawing for healing, energy, father, grief, grief and loss, Hospital, ice cream, Janet Childs, Judith Peterson, Kaiser Permanente, lose, lymphatic system, Monday Night Football, motivation poor, sadness, sleep changes, tragedies

What Are The Benefits of Falling in Love?

November 17, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

“Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
Nothing you can say, but you can learn
How to play the game
It’s easy.
Nothing you can make that can’t be made.
No one you can save that can’t be saved.
Nothing you can do, but you can learn
How to be you in time
It’s easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.

There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known.
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.
There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where
You’re meant to be
It’s easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
All you need is love. (All together now).
All you need is love. (Everybody).
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
Love is all you need.
Love is all you need

(Yesterday)
(Oh yeah)
(She love you, yeah, yeah, yeah)
(She love you, yeah, yeah, yeah)
(Oh, yesterday)”

“All You Need is Love”
Written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
Performed by the Beatles

Falling in love is something that seems larger than normal human life, if we believe what we see in films, hear in love songs, and read in books. I think that authentic love is different from infatuation. We see images of intense emotions, newness, physical attraction, and erotic passion. Yet what begins as such a beautiful vision can turn into possessiveness, control, and addiction.

There are several types of emotions motivating us to fall in love and develop a relationship. We experience desire which not only draws us toward romantic love, but also leads us to possibly form a relationship with our beloved and even mature as an individual. Excitement and joy are also emotions that we experience when we fall in love. Some people have never fallen in love, probably because their desire, joy, and/or excitement are blocked in some way. It is possible to resolve these blocks and experience falling in love for the first time.

The energy of falling in love serves another purpose. When we fall in love with someone, we are attracted to aspects of our beloved. “When we awaken to a new possibility in our lives, we first see it in another person,” writes Robert Johnson. “We project our developing potential onto someone, and suddenly we’re consumed with him or her.” These possibilities are the unlived potential in our own life.

If we fail to become conscious of our potential emerging and develop these qualities in ourselves, problems arise in our intimate relationships. As we progress in the relationship, we often demand that our beloved fills in our missing pieces. We have an opportunity to grow in awareness in personal power, but we may fail to do so. We do not see our beloved objectively, but only as a reflection of our own undeveloped potential. For example, I may demand that my beloved is kind to me, when I really need to learn to be kind to myself.

Ninety-five percent of our thinking is subconscious. We acquire our subconscious patterns from our experience during pregnancy inside our mother’s womb and then during first seven years of life. If we act out our subconscious programming, then too often we inflict upon our beloved the very things we find so intolerable.

Yet there is another kind of love other than infatuation. “Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; actually it is a state of awareness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others,” writes David Hawkins.

This kind of love has been written about for centuries. The Greek word “agape” means a sense of love as unconditional goodwill. An old Hebrew word “ahabah” means to kindle a fire from something easily set ablaze, like withered leaves or dry sticks. The word can also mean, paradoxically, to grow or produce something slowly from an enclosure or from a secret place.
We can see that falling in love is a spark from which secret treasures may emerge. This treasure requires the work of love – to bring about a greater love over time.

If I learn some simple skills, then it is possible to change the way I love others. When I learn to balance my brain, I can see reality more clearly. This enables me to see my beloved more accurately. When I learn to calm my emotions, I do not need my beloved like a drug. I am not dependent on my romantic partner. I am free to love and live with wisdom.

One of the benefits of love is that the feelings associated with falling in love release chemicals in our bodies that help us be healthier, compassionate, and creative. Love is mysterious and rich in possibility.

David Hawkins writes: “Love is unconditional, unchanging, and permanent. It does not fluctuate because its source within the person is not dependent on external conditions. Love is a state of being. It is a way of relating to the world that is forgiving, nurturing, and supportive. Love is not intellectual and does not proceed from the mind. Love emanates from the heart. It has the capacity to love others and accomplish great feats because of its purity of motive. . . . As reason is bypassed, there arises the capacity for instantaneous recognition of context, especially regarding time and process. . . . Love focuses on the goodness of life in all its expressions and augments that which is positive. It dissolves negativity by recontextualing it rather than by attacking it. This is the level of true happiness.”

Please watch this video by Judith Peterson as she discusses the experience of falling in love:

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“What Are The Benefits of Falling in Love?”

 

Filed Under: Blog, Marriage and Intimacy, Projection Tagged With: agape, ahabah, All You Need is Love, authentic love, Beatles, David Hawkins, definition, Falling in love, Greek, infatuation, John Lennon, Judith Peterson, love, love as a state of awareness, Old Hebrew, Paul McCartney, positive projection, Robert A Johnson, song, unlived potential

Do You Know the Secret to Joy?

September 1, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

“Perhaps ultimately, spiritual simply means experiencing wholeness and interconnectedness directly, seeing that individuality and the totality are interwoven, that nothing is separate or extraneous. If you see in this way, then everything becomes spiritual in its deepest sense.” Jon Kabat-Zinn

What is mindfulness? I define my mind as a process in my body that is related to others and myself that regulates the flow of energy and information. Also, the tasks of the human mind are to monitor and change things. Mindfulness includes different exercises that improve my ability to monitor and modify my internal world. The basic element of mindfulness is focusing on something or some process. We can focus on our breath during mindfulness meditation. In yoga, we focus on our postures. During tai chi, we focus on movements. In qigong, we focus on the sense of motion of energy. While practicing centering prayer, we focus on words. During walking meditation, we focus on our feet. Daniel Siegel writes, that “over 100 years ago, the father of modern psychology, William James (1890/1981), said that such a practice of returning a wandering attention back to its target again and again would be ‘education par excellence.’”

There is a difference between concentration and mindfulness, according to Dr. Roger Walsh. Concentration allows us to direct our attention to whatever we wish to experience. Mindfulness enables us to explore our experiences sensitivity. Mindfulness is where we bring greater awareness to each activity. We are more present in each moment. Another gift of mindfulness is that we catch subtle experiences of which we usually remain unaware.

Dr. Walsh writes mindfulness “enhances our awareness of relationships, the world around us, and the world within us.” It also frees us from our automatic mindless reactions and heals the mind. According to the National Institutes for Health, there are 18 million Americans that practice meditation of some kind. Meditation improves the health of our body as well as our mind. It lowers the risk for cancer and heart disease. Meditation makes us happier.

Please watch this body awareness mediation video with Judith Peterson and learn about the path to joy.

Most of our thinking is subconscious. Only a small part of our brain is engaged in conscious thinking. The areas of your brain that are engaged with consciousness thinking will process about forty nerve impulses per second on a normal day. The brain areas which are involved with activity outside of your consciousness will process forty million nerve impulses per second on a normal day. Only a fraction of your brain is engaged in conscious thinking.

Donna Eden and David Feinstein write that “your subconscious mind is the storehouse of the lessons life has taught you as well as your natural abilities and intuitive wisdom. Along with countless automated actions as mundane as putting on your shoes, your subconscious mind holds innumerable instructions for more complex actions and has access to transcendent sources of inspiration for solving the bewildering problems life presents and for pursuing your most creative aspirations. While your subconscious mind is an enormous sound guidance that is available 24/7, it also stores past hurts, self-limiting beliefs, unresolved conflicts, and dysfunctional behavioral strategies. So it doesn’t always work to your advantage.”

Bruce Lipton cites studies that reveal 65 percent of our thoughts are negative or repetitive and unnecessary. Our mind is thinking thoughts that are not important and disturbing most of the time.  Additional studies indicate that people spend 50% of their time awake not thinking about what they are doing, but something else. When our mind drifts away from what we are doing, we become unhappy. There is another problem with a mind that strays from the present moment. As our mind wanders, our subconscious mind takes over. This is when we do things that interfere with our own success. We undermine our desires, because of our subconscious thinking.

We have repetitive patterns in our subconscious thinking that lead to behavior that is not flexible and responsive to our present set of circumstances. For example, a husband may be talking with his wife and experiencing fear from a memory about his dad when he was 5 years old. Fear is a signal of possible danger. His thinking and energy is preparing his body and mind for crisis. He may not be able to listen well, because he is scanning for what is dangerous in what his wife is saying. He may want to end the conversation and leave, because he is afraid. These reactions and his poor listening have an effect on his wife. She doesn’t feel understood. Her husband’s reactions do not make sense to her. The more that he has conversations with her where he is not present, the less trust the husband and his wife will have with each other.

Dr. Ron Siegel traces these type of reactions to the harsh lives of our ancestors who lived and survived great dangers millions of years ago. He describes the mechanisms of our brain that make us miserable. These are the reactions:
1. Focusing on what is bad
2. Being stuck in a stress response – heart beating faster, muscles tense, sweating, acid released to stomach for digestion
3. Comparing myself to others
4. Avoiding what is unpleasant
5. Envisioning a future with assumptions of what could go wrong

The good news is that our brains are flexible. At any age, we can acquire new information, process the new knowledge in our brain, and develop new ideas. As a result of our learning, we think differently and our brain physically changes. The idea that “I am who I am” is false. You can remake yourself, like remodeling a house. The name of this is plasticity. Our brain changes as a response to each new experience, each new thought, and every new idea we learn. At any age, our brain is like playdough; we can move it and shape it.

Dr. Joe Dispenza writes that meditation can change how the brain works. He described the research. Meditation alters brain wave patterns. Another benefit of meditation is that it grows “new brain cells that are the product of inner mindfulness . . . . Most of the participants (in the research study) were average people with jobs and families, who meditated only 40 minutes a day.”

Please watch this video by Santa Clara County’s first Poet Laureate, Nils Peterson on the gift of focus.

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Blogs by Daniel Davis, mindfulness
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Bruce Lipton, negative and redundant thinking
Nils Peterson, presence
Judith Peterson, mindfulness
Ron Siegel
Daniel Siegel, mindfulness
Roger Walsh, mindfulness
brain adaptability
meditation
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“Do You Know the Secret to Joy?”

Filed Under: Blog, Mindfulness, Uncategorized Tagged With: adaptability, brain, Bruce Lipton, changes, Daniel Siegel, David Feinstein, Donna Eden, Joe Dispenza, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Judith Peterson, meditation, mindfulness, negative and redundant thinking, Nils Peterson, presence, Roger Walsh, Ron Siegel, William James

What is Journaling?

August 18, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT 2 Comments

“We write to taste life twice,” says Anais Nin.

 

Journaling is creative expression.  It is a way to capture ideas that otherwise would float by unnoticed.  We have thousands of thoughts each day.  When I journal I have a way to collect the jewels – the valuable ideas.  There are thoughts and feelings that are important.

 

When I take time to journal, I am most often just writing.  I write and let whatever idea that I am presently experiencing just emerge.  Writing this stream of consciousness on paper enables me to see them clearly and examine them.  I put my thoughts and feelings into a concrete form.

 

Unfortunately, 65% of our thoughts are negative and redundant – or both.  Yet when I capture these negative thoughts, I am able to see the negative patterns that keep repeating themselves.  When I identify my negative thoughts and write them down, I give myself a choice.  I can see the patterns.  I have the ability to choose what is of value, instead of subconsciously living out the self-destructive patterns.  This is taking responsibility for my own life, and as a result, I have the ability to respond consciously.  Words carry power.

 

I have done lots of journaling, using free association, since 1986.  As I have done so, I have learned to observe my thoughts and feelings with neutrality and simply record them.  This allows me to capture gold amidst, a great deal of worthless rock – dross.  In this way, I am like a social scientist observing an indigenous tribe in the wild.

 

One day, I sat down and wrote this poem spontaneously and effortlessly:

 

Treasure in a field

There is a treasure in a field.
I sell everything.
Buy the field,
and regret nothing.

There was a time
that this seemed foolish.
Now, it has no parallel.
There is no choice.

Love is the only option.
The mess left is why
I have forgone the way
of shallow pursuits.

This is what I tell myself,
at least.
Nothing is left of the old life –
my newness is rewarded.

Single minded presence
begets a way of life
rich in mystery and potential,
lacking the hopeless wandering.

So many stones overturned
– hearts broken!
As if this time,
the outcome would be different.

Yet it is all the same.
The bitter aftertaste,
the regret of love,
lacking heart and meaning.

Don’t be depressed.
Regain the vitality of
endless opportunity,
buried in a hidden place.

For it is a secret.
The place is known,
but eluded me for so long –
far too long.

Being home, I know –
the sweet sorrow of past regrets,
the aimless wandering
of dead end streets.

As I enter the threshold,
my heart leaps with joy,
my step is light,
I know the trust life brings.

 

Chade-Meng Tan, one of the founders of Google, suggests this journaling exercise: “You give yourself a certain amount of time, say, three minutes, and you are given (or give yourself) a prompt, which for our purposes is an open-ended sentence such as “What I am feeling now is. . . . “  For those three minutes, write down whatever comes to mind.  Try not to think about what you’re going to write – just write.  It does not matter how closely you follow the prompt; just let all your thoughts flow onto the paper.  There is only one rule; do not stop writing until your time is up.  If you run out of things to write, just write, I ran out of things to write.  I have nothing to write.  I still have nothing to write. . . . until you have something to write about again.  Remember, you are writing to yourself, for yourself, and you will never have to show this to another person unless you want to.  Hence, you can do this with full honesty.”

 

Please watch this video of Judith Peterson discussing the process of writing in a journal.

Key Words:
Blog 17
Blogs by Daniel Davis, journaling
Poems by Daniel Davis, “Treasure in a Field”
Anais Nin
Judith Peterson, journaling
Chade-Meng Tan
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Google (founder- Chade-Meng Tan)
Journaling
self-destructive patterns
“What is Journaling?”

Filed Under: Blog, Journaling Tagged With: Anais Nin, Chade-Meng Tan, founder, Free Association, Google, journaling, Judith Peterson, Poem, self-destructive patterns, Treasure in a Field

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Daniel Davis, M.A., LMFT
Counselor in Santa Clara, CA
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