Daniel Davis, LMFT

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Do You See What I See?

February 7, 2017 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

We assume we are so evolved in our modern world. We have amazing technology – iPhones, Tesla cars, Japanese trains that speed at 374 miles per hour. Yet as humans, we remain fragile. We are vulnerable to over-reaction and self-deception. “When I fall in love, it will be forever. And I’ll never fall in love again,” sings Nat King Cole.

Falling in love can feel like having my feet swept out from under me. I may see my beloved as flawless. All I want to talk about are the astonishing qualities of my beloved. As I talk about my beloved, I feel high – like I am on cocaine. Such is the power of projection.

Our self-deception can enable us to take on worthy challenges, like education, marriage, or parenting. Yet our ambitious decisions can also lead to chaos, disease, and even death.

We may believe in modern life that we are free of the superstitions of our ancestors, yet this 2 million year old archaic mind is present in each of us. It will operate unconsciously in our lives. If we fail to honor our archaic mind, the cost is very high. Yet if we do integrate the wisdom of our unconscious mind, our lives are enriched beyond measure.

Please watch this video by Manuel Costa on projection:

Blog 64

Filed Under: Blog, Projection Tagged With: 2 million year old, 300 miles per hour, A Path to Life’s Fullness: A New Perspective on the Teachings of Jesus, ambitious, ancestors, archaic mind, cars, chaos, cocaine, death, decisions, disease, education, evolved, Falling in love, iPhones, Manuel Costa, marriage, modern world, Nat King Cole, objectivity, parenting, projection, self-deception, song, superstitions, technology, Tesla, trains, unconscious mind, When I fall in love

Depression and Music

March 1, 2016 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Some of the symptoms of depression include low energy, irritability, sadness, physical pain, low self-esteem, self-criticism, hopelessness, crying, and changes in eating and sleeping. The source of these symptoms can be biological, psychological, social or spiritual. One can suffer from low blood sugar or a low level of testosterone. Our beliefs can contribute to symptoms of depression. A bad marriage can lead to these symptoms. We may be in a spiritual crisis, lacking meaning in our life. As we transition from one set of beliefs about reality to another set of beliefs, we often feel loss.

When we experience loss, consciously experiencing and expressing our sadness enables us to integrate the loss. Expressing anger is also a part of the process of grieving loss. When we resist our feelings, we may feel numb. When people experience depression, they often describe their bodies as feeling numb. Often we avoid consciously experiencing our emotions and expressing them, when we fear being overwhelmed by them. When we fear being overwhelmed by emotions, we find ways to block our feelings. Often, these are not conscious choices to not feel.

Most often, we learned early in our lives to control our feelings by developing defenses. We may breathe in a shallow way and tighten our muscles to resist emotions. These defenses to consciously experiencing our sadness or anger can lead to depressive symptoms.

Unfortunately, feeling depressed is pretty awful. Depression is not good for our physical health. We can learn to express our feelings. One way to do this is with another person who is comfortable with emotion and affirms your experience of your emotions. In this way, we have a corrective emotional experience which enables us to learn to consciously experience and express our feelings.

Music is an outstanding way to consciously experience feelings. “When the time comes that you’re ready to begin facing your emotions, music that speaks to your heart can help you begin to release your pain,” writes Maureen Draper.

I can pick music which enables me to cry. The process of crying enables me to move forward with my grief and integrate the reality of my life without my beloved. When I hear a John Denver song, I often think of my dad. We can associate certain songs or musicians with a loved one who has passed on. Maureen writes: “Music that reminds you of a loved one brings to the surface whatever may not have been finished or unsaid between you.”

Art of all kinds, be it paintings, poems, stories, film or music, can evoke emotion. Great art reaches us emotionally, and we vicariously experience something important to us. This is why we can be so drawn to a certain author or musician. The beauty of art can move us in countless ways. We can cry with awe when listen to Adagio with Strings by Barber. We may experience exhilaration or hope when listening to Mozart or the Beatles.

Listening to music can be profoundly comforting. The music from our childhood can bring us feelings of being protected and nurtured by our parents as a child. I can remember the song, “Puff the Magic Dragon” from my childhood. Many songs from this era remind me of the emotions of my childhood.

When we are alone with our grief in the middle of the night, music can help us feel the comfort of being in our mother’s arms as a child. Music from early in a relationship with our husband or wife can bring up the emotions of falling in love, which are very healthy for our bodies.

We can use music to – in a sense – move backward in time to recapture hidden emotions and memories. Some may wish to feel the feeling of safety by imagining being held by the divine during our darkest hour of pain. Music can remind us of this kind of love.

Perhaps, finding the core of who we are is the most powerful dynamic to resolving depressive symptoms. Music is a powerful elixir to find the essence of our self. Please watch this video by pianist and author, Maureen Draper, about music and depression:

Filed Under: Art, Blog, Emotions Tagged With: beliefs, biological, changes, crying, depression, eating changes, emotion, energy, Falling in love, grief, hopelessness, loss, low irritability, Maureen Draper, memories, music, numb, physical pain, pianist, psychological, recapture hidden emotions, sadness, self-criticism, self-esteem low, sleeping, social, spiritual, symptoms

What Are The Benefits of Falling in Love?

November 17, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

“Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
Nothing you can say, but you can learn
How to play the game
It’s easy.
Nothing you can make that can’t be made.
No one you can save that can’t be saved.
Nothing you can do, but you can learn
How to be you in time
It’s easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.

There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known.
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.
There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where
You’re meant to be
It’s easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
All you need is love. (All together now).
All you need is love. (Everybody).
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
Love is all you need.
Love is all you need

(Yesterday)
(Oh yeah)
(She love you, yeah, yeah, yeah)
(She love you, yeah, yeah, yeah)
(Oh, yesterday)”

“All You Need is Love”
Written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
Performed by the Beatles

Falling in love is something that seems larger than normal human life, if we believe what we see in films, hear in love songs, and read in books. I think that authentic love is different from infatuation. We see images of intense emotions, newness, physical attraction, and erotic passion. Yet what begins as such a beautiful vision can turn into possessiveness, control, and addiction.

There are several types of emotions motivating us to fall in love and develop a relationship. We experience desire which not only draws us toward romantic love, but also leads us to possibly form a relationship with our beloved and even mature as an individual. Excitement and joy are also emotions that we experience when we fall in love. Some people have never fallen in love, probably because their desire, joy, and/or excitement are blocked in some way. It is possible to resolve these blocks and experience falling in love for the first time.

The energy of falling in love serves another purpose. When we fall in love with someone, we are attracted to aspects of our beloved. “When we awaken to a new possibility in our lives, we first see it in another person,” writes Robert Johnson. “We project our developing potential onto someone, and suddenly we’re consumed with him or her.” These possibilities are the unlived potential in our own life.

If we fail to become conscious of our potential emerging and develop these qualities in ourselves, problems arise in our intimate relationships. As we progress in the relationship, we often demand that our beloved fills in our missing pieces. We have an opportunity to grow in awareness in personal power, but we may fail to do so. We do not see our beloved objectively, but only as a reflection of our own undeveloped potential. For example, I may demand that my beloved is kind to me, when I really need to learn to be kind to myself.

Ninety-five percent of our thinking is subconscious. We acquire our subconscious patterns from our experience during pregnancy inside our mother’s womb and then during first seven years of life. If we act out our subconscious programming, then too often we inflict upon our beloved the very things we find so intolerable.

Yet there is another kind of love other than infatuation. “Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; actually it is a state of awareness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others,” writes David Hawkins.

This kind of love has been written about for centuries. The Greek word “agape” means a sense of love as unconditional goodwill. An old Hebrew word “ahabah” means to kindle a fire from something easily set ablaze, like withered leaves or dry sticks. The word can also mean, paradoxically, to grow or produce something slowly from an enclosure or from a secret place.
We can see that falling in love is a spark from which secret treasures may emerge. This treasure requires the work of love – to bring about a greater love over time.

If I learn some simple skills, then it is possible to change the way I love others. When I learn to balance my brain, I can see reality more clearly. This enables me to see my beloved more accurately. When I learn to calm my emotions, I do not need my beloved like a drug. I am not dependent on my romantic partner. I am free to love and live with wisdom.

One of the benefits of love is that the feelings associated with falling in love release chemicals in our bodies that help us be healthier, compassionate, and creative. Love is mysterious and rich in possibility.

David Hawkins writes: “Love is unconditional, unchanging, and permanent. It does not fluctuate because its source within the person is not dependent on external conditions. Love is a state of being. It is a way of relating to the world that is forgiving, nurturing, and supportive. Love is not intellectual and does not proceed from the mind. Love emanates from the heart. It has the capacity to love others and accomplish great feats because of its purity of motive. . . . As reason is bypassed, there arises the capacity for instantaneous recognition of context, especially regarding time and process. . . . Love focuses on the goodness of life in all its expressions and augments that which is positive. It dissolves negativity by recontextualing it rather than by attacking it. This is the level of true happiness.”

Please watch this video by Judith Peterson as she discusses the experience of falling in love:

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Blogs by Daniel Davis, falling in love
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David Hawkins
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Paul McCartney
Judith Peterson
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ahabah
“All You Need is Love,” song
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Beatles
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Greek
infatuation
love as a state of awareness
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unlived potential
“What Are The Benefits of Falling in Love?”

 

Filed Under: Blog, Marriage and Intimacy, Projection Tagged With: agape, ahabah, All You Need is Love, authentic love, Beatles, David Hawkins, definition, Falling in love, Greek, infatuation, John Lennon, Judith Peterson, love, love as a state of awareness, Old Hebrew, Paul McCartney, positive projection, Robert A Johnson, song, unlived potential

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About Daniel Davis, LMFT

I create an environment where clients experience their unique significance, authentic empowerment, and profound acceptance and collaborate with clients to identify solutions to their current crises. For more information on how I can help you, contact me today by calling 408-249-0014 or emailing info@danieldavislmft.com. I look forward to speaking with you! Read More…

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Daniel Davis, M.A., LMFT
Counselor in Santa Clara, CA
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