Daniel Davis, LMFT

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Expressive Art Therapy

March 8, 2016 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Creativity can save us. We suffer when we lose our sense of creativity. Our lives are full of opportunities to create. When we cook a meal, we are creating. When we build a fence, we are being creative. If I sing to music on my iPhone in the car, I am being creative. In our creativity, there is great promise. Being aware of the possibility of creativity can dramatically improve the quality of our life.

When we feel angry or afraid or shame, we can be creative. It is also true that I can be destructive. I can drink alcohol to excess. I could punch as wall. I may argue with someone that I love. I can yell at the driver of a passing car.

Another set of possibilities is to be creative. The artist’s work is to awaken all that is and all we perceive. Mathew Fox writes: “The artist first does this by waking up oneself to what is. Then he or she can awaken others. The artist finds himself or herself vulnerable to beings and events and takes the time to experience them in depth. In this way, we wake up to being, we awaken to what is and its great depth and mystery.”

When we are feeling overwhelm emotionally, we have the opportunity to wake up to a new reality. Daniel Siegel writes that “emotion is the process of integration that brings self-organization to the mind.”

When we are experiencing emotions, we can work creatively to integrate a larger reality – a wider view of life and the world. When Carl Jung was going through a difficult time in his life, he discovered something important. He found a way to calm himself by being creative. He built a small dwelling on a lake. Dr. Jung also make drawings and paintings when he was emotional. He also build a miniature village like he used to do as a child.

Carl Jung wrote: “Everything seemed difficult and incomprehensible. I was living in a constant state of tension; often I felt as if gigantic blocks of stone were tumbling down on me…. My enduring these storms was a question of brute strength…. To the extent that I managed to translate the emotions into images– that is to say, to find the images which were concealed in the emotions– I was inwardly calmed and reassured. Had I left those images hidden in the emotions, I might have been torn to pieces by them. There is a chance that I might have succeeded in splitting them off; but in that case I would inexorably have fallen into a neurosis and so been ultimately destroyed by them. As a result of my experiment I learned how helpful it can be, from the therapeutic point of view, to find the particular images which lie behind the emotions.”

Please watch this video by Judith Peterson on using art to see reality more clearly and feel better:

Blog 46

Filed Under: Art, Blog Tagged With: afraid, angry, art, Carl Jung, child, creativity, Daniel Siegel, destructive, drawings, Expressive Art Therapy, Judith Peterson, Mathew Fox, miniature village, paintings, shame, splitting them off

Working Ego

December 29, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

“The ego is the seat of consciousness and if consciousness creates the world, the ego is doing God’s creative work in its effort to realize itself through the way of individuation” Edward Edinger.

The quality of our life is largely dependent on the health of our ego. If our ego is healthy, we will be flexible, strong, compassionate, aware and constructive. Having a healthy ego takes effort; we need to choose to do the work to grow up and mature.

My ego has two basic powers. The first power of the ego is observation, and the second power is choice. These are the two main functions of our minds: to monitor and modify.

What is an ego? When I look out from my eyes and see the world, I am aware of myself and the world. In some ways, it feels no different from when I was 7 years of age. I have a continuity of my sense of identity as an individual. I call this part of myself “I” or “me,” and I am referring to my ego. My ego is the part of me that is aware or conscious.

There are factors which help strengthen the ego: balancing one’s brain, regulating one’s feelings, reclaiming one’s projections, and engaging in self-care. These skills helps one see the world more clearly and make life giving choices. When my brain is balanced, I am able to use both sides of my brain. My left brain is about logic, facts, and time. My right brain is involved with relationships, emotions, and spatial relationships. When the sides of my brain are balanced and connected, I have access to both brain hemispheres when observing the world and making choices.

When I am able to calm myself down, I am able to see more objectively. When I calm myself down, I am not overwhelmed with emotions. As I am able to remain more neutral, my choices are more reflective of the facts of the situation.

A projection is something that interferes with my ability to see clearly. My projections are when I see parts of myself in others. A teenager is having a projection, when he idealizes an athlete or rock star. He is seeing his potential strength and creativity in another person. When he is able to see these projections and reclaim them, he is empowered. He does this by doing the work to develop his skills in music and sports. As he gains mastery in himself, he has more objectivity and confidence. He feels empowered, because he sees himself as he is. He can see his internal power.

When I take care of my needs for sleep, healthful food, exercise, and time with emotionally supportive family and friends, I feel calmer and see more objectively.

When I have a working ego, I am willing to do the work of an adult. I take the steps to keep my ego strong and healthy as an adult. I get 8-10 hours of sleep, eat healthful foods, take time to exercise my body, and talk with empathic friends and family. I also play and have fun. A working ego also implies a willingness to make difficult choices that support the vitality of my life and the lives of others.

An unhealthy ego is an ego that is weak. When an ego is not strong, it attempts to be the only center of the person. When our ego is weak, our energy alternates between thinking we are greater than we are (inflation) and thinking we are less than we are (deflation). It is like a balloon being too full or flat. We are most effective when we see ourselves and the world as we are – no more, no less.

It is possible to wield great power as a president of a company, the leader of a country, or a religious leader, and to still remain quite unconscious. Sadly, this is more often true than not. It is possible to be a leader who manages things and people with great authority and precision and still not be awake. If one does not have the interest or take the time to think introspectively – to examine oneself – then it is impossible to be conscious.

Our ego is formed when we are young. As young baby, our ego begins by being uninformed. We are totally dependent on our parents for survival. We are unable to see ourselves as separate from our mother. Over time, we begin to see that we are separate from our mother and by crying or smiling our mother responds by feeding us, changing us, holding us, or smiling at us. As we gain strength, we become more aware of how we can influence our own life. Our powers of awareness and choice are born in this way.

As we mature in healthy ways, we are able to see that we are not the center of the world. We are aware of the impact of our choices on our family and friends. We are able to consider others and the world as a whole when we make decisions. Some of us consider our Soul and God in our decision making. Possessing a healthy developing ego, we are able to be flexible with others socially. We can choose to love.

Please watch this video by Judith Peterson on the value of a working ego:

Keywords:
Blog 36
Blogs by Daniel Davis, will
Edward Edinger
Judith Peterson, working ego
Daniel Siegel
Athlete
aware
bonding with mother
choice
compassionate
consciousness, seat of
constructive
ego, healthy
ego, two basic powers
flexible
infant development
mind, two main functions
object relationship
observation
projections, reclaiming
regulating emotions
rock star
self-care
strong
teenager
weak ego
Whole Brain State,
“working ego”

 

Filed Under: Blog, Recovery, Self-Care, Spirituality Tagged With: Athlete, aware, bonding with mother, choice, compassionate, consciousness, Daniel Siegel, Edward Edinger, flexible, healthy ego, infant development, Judith Peterson, mind, object relationship, observation, projections, reclaiming, regulating emotions, rock star, self-care, strong, teenager, two basic powers, two main functions, weak ego, Whole Brain State, will, working ego

We Psychology: Healthy Relationships

November 10, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Darkness on the Edge of Town by Bruce Springsteen

Everybody’s got a secret, Sonny
Something they just can’t face
Some folks spend their whole lives trying to keep it
They carry it with them ev’ry step that they take
Till one day they just cut it loose
Cut it loose or let it drag them down
Where no one asks too many questions
Or looks too long in your face
In the darkness on the edge of town

I grew up in the Santa Clara Valley, what is now called “Silicon Valley” – home to the businesses of Google, Apple Computer, and Facebook. When I was born, I was full of joy. I think babies are whole and feel connected to all of life – everyone and everything. I took the criticism of my parents, teachers, coaches, siblings, and friends and began to criticize myself. I tried to be good. I blamed myself for many things that  had nothing to do with me – my dad’s temper or my teacher’s angry outbursts. In turn, I learned to judge others, and I felt better by comparing myself to others. At least, I was a better football player than him. In my family, school, and later work, I came to realize as an adult that our American culture was one based on harsh judgments and conditional love.

Our culture has a strong belief in independence – doing it yourself. This strength of character has its faults. Due to this rugged individualism, we are lonely and isolated in many ways. It is true that we may connect with our iPhones or other computers, yet many of us live in communities where we are strangers to our classmates, neighbors, family, coworkers and – even – ourselves.

Here is a list of what people are wanting socially in their families, neighborhoods, and workplaces (from a North American research study):

  1. Having neighbors with whom you can interact freely and comfortably.
  2. Being able to share deepest feelings with someone.
  3. Having friends who value the same things in life.
  4. Being in a group where you can discuss your most basic beliefs and values.
  5. Having friends you can always count on when you are in a jam.
  6. Having people in your life who are never critical of you.
  7. Being part of a group that helps you grow spiritually.
  8. Having cooperation rather than competition with people at work.
  9. Having people you can turn to when you feel depressed or lonely.
  10. Know more people in your community.

One doctor found out about this in his research. Dean Ornish, MD, wrote: “At first, I viewed our support groups simply as a way to motivate patients to stay on the other aspects of the [heart-disease prevention] program that I considered more important: the diet, exercise, stress management training, stop smoking, and so on. Over time, I began to realize that the group support itself was one of the most powerful interventions, as it addressed a more fundamental cause of why we feel stressed and, in turn, why we get illnesses like heart disease: the perception of isolation.”

There are reasons why we separate ourselves from others. The answer lies in this research. People attending a community building workshop were asked to rate significant barriers to connecting with others:

  1. Hard to find people you can trust (before workshop-65%, after-32%)
  2. Fear of being judged (61%, 13%)
  3. Fear of being rejected (55%, 10%)
  4. Feeling misunderstood (52%, 16%)
  5. Unable to lower my defenses – social mask (48%, 0%)
  6. Too shy (42%, 21%)
  7. Fear of appearing weak (35%, 7%)
  8. No opportunity to meet people interested in connecting (30%, 16%)

How do we find community? One answer can be found in the research of Daniel Siegel. When we are mindful, we are more able to change in order to face the challenges of every day. Being mindful is just being aware of what is going on around us as well as being aware of our thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. When we are mindful, we are not overwhelmed with worry about the future – the test tomorrow or the baseball game next week. We live in the present and our mind and heart is liberated from much worry and emotional suffering.

When we are mindful, we are paying attention to the unfolding of possibilities in every moment. Attunement is how we focus our attention on others and perceive their communication at all levels – the sad words they chose, their eyes shamefully looking downward, or the fearful look on their face. I need to take these and other signals from the other person inside my mind and be aware of them to be attuned to this other person to whom I am listening. I can think someone is angry at me, because they look mad. If I ask my friend, “Are you upset with me?”

My friend may say: “Am I mad at you? No way. It is Bob who I am so angry with!”

Now, I am getting more attuned to my friend. I understand what is going on inside her. I need to carefully set aside my assumptions about what someone is thinking or feeling to see and hear clearly what they are really feeling and thinking.

When I am present, I am open to others and the wisest parts of myself. When I attune to others, I work to become aware of what the other person is thinking or feeling. At a wedding, they often say referring to the couple: “Two shall become one.”  Resonance is when I connect with another person in a special way.

Resonance is when we both attune to each other and we are changed by the thoughts and feelings of each other. Daniel Siegel writes: “When such resonance is enacted with positive regard, a deep feeling of coherence emerges with the subjective sensation of harmony … Two literally become linked as one. The whole is larger than the sum of the individual parts.”

The word used for this is synergy. This is a relationship between people or things who rise to a new level, because of the quality of the relationship. Groups can be high in synergy or low in synergy.  David Goff writes: “Synergy, therefore, is a way of describing the qualities in a relationship (that produce the likelihood of a greater or lesser whole). A good example of this difference is one that most people have experienced. Some groups generate positive energy, the way members interact makes the group smarter than any member would be alone would be. Conversely, the way members interact can create a negative synergy, which makes the IQ of the group lower than any given member.”

In 1978, I went to work at the Rustler Steak House in San Jose, California, USA. I was fifteen years old and worked with a group of employees who were around my age. We spent a lot of time together away from work doing the things that teenagers often like to do: playing football and baseball, going to the beach, going to movies, and going to parties. I loved spending time with my friends from work. Our connection with each other changed the way we worked together. The quality of our relationships improved as a result. The performance scores of our restaurant dramatically improved when we were evaluated by the area manager.

Food is something I love. We can find synergy in delicious food. Recipes, which often combine the same ingredients in different proportions, or add or delete certain ingredients for different effects. When I cook spaghetti sauce, I use many individual ingredients: tomato sauce, basil, sausage, oregano, mushrooms, onions, thyme, and peppers. If I were to eat a raw onion by itself it would be an unpleasant experience. If I took a handful of basil and ate it, I would not enjoy it.  Yet the combination of ingredients in the spaghetti sauce with pasta and cheese are magnificent. This is synergy!

In this video, Tim Locke describes the “We Psychology” of Fritz Kunkel and the barriers that keep us from connecting with our own creative center as well as others – our parents, classmates, siblings, friends, children, spouses, and significant others.

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Filed Under: Blog, Community, Consciousness, Marriage and Family Tagged With: American culture, Apple Computer, attunement, barriers, Bruce Springsteen, community building, culture, Daniel Siegel, Darkness on the Edge of Town, David Goff, Dean Ornish, Embracing Life: Toward a Psychology of Interdependence, example, Facebook, Four Springs Retreat Center, Fritz Kunkel, Google, independence, intentional community, iPhone, learning organization, M Scott Peck, mindfulness, psychological defenses, research study, resonance, rugged individualism, Santa Clara Valley, Silicon Valley, song, synergy, Timothy Locke, trust, vulnerability, We Psychology

Container Skill

September 29, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Do you worry too much? When our minds will not stop with its their endless negative thoughts, it can be really upsetting. Affect Management Skills Training (AMST) is a type of therapy that has a remedy for worry. When we have upsetting memories that will not stop, there is a skill to empower yourself to change it. “The mind can change the brain,” says Dr. Daniel Siegel.

During the container skill, we imagine a container that will hold every disturbing thing. The goal of the Container Skill is to wall off the memories of harmful experiences and the unpleasant overwhelming emotions connected to them.
AMST uses imagery as well as techniques to activate both the right and left sides of the brain. This enables one to be in a whole brain state which enables one to see reality from a clearer vantage point. When we see things more as they are we think, feel and act differently.

The Butterfly Hug is one of many techniques used to activate both the left and right sides of the brain. The activation of both the left and right hemispheres of the brain is called, Bilateral Brain Stimulation. In her book, “Getting Past Your Past,” Dr. Shapiro recommends crossing “your arms in front of you with your right hand on your left shoulder and your left hand on your right. Then, you tap your hands alternately on each shoulder slowly four to six times.”

Dr. John Omaha, creator of “Affect Centered Therapy,” says that he demonstrates the Butterfly Hug to clients without emphasizing any particular speed and pressure of the tapping. He said he figures that each client will find the best rate and strength of touch that works for them.

Francine Shapiro suggests another technique to activate both sides of the brain: “alternate tapping your thighs (with the tips of your right index finger, then left index finger) at the same slow speed for the same for length of time (as she suggests above for the Butterfly Hug).”

AMST not only used Bilateral Brain Stimulation, but also uses symbols to influence the subconscious mind. The language of the subconscious is symbolic, like in our dreams. Advertisers and film producers know how to use the power of symbols. Commercials on television and on the internet motivate people to buy products with symbols. We can learn to use images to motivate ourselves. If we wish to use religious or spiritual images, AMST has the means to do so.

By rehearsing these skills of emotional regulation when our upsetting emotions are at a lower level, we develop mastery. Just like a musical instrument or a sport, the more we practice the skills, the better we perform. Please watch this video and learn how to use the container skill from AMST.

Keywords:
blog 23
Blogs by Daniel Davis, Container Skill 2
John Omaha, Butterfly Hug 2 & Container Skill 2
Francine Shapiro, detailed description of Butterfly Hug and Bilateral Brain Stimulation
Daniel Siegel, mind
Affect Management Skills Training (AMST), Container Skill 2
Butterfly Hug – detailed description
“Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy,” book
skills acquisition
symbols
“Container Skill”

Filed Under: Affect Management Skills Training (AMST), AMST (Affect Management Skills Training), Anger Management, Blog Tagged With: Affect Centered Therapy, Affect Management Skills Training, AMST, Bilateral Brain Stimulation, Butterfly Hug, Container Skill, Daniel Siegel, Francine Shapiro, Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy, John Omaha, mind, skills acquisition, symbols

Do You Know the Secret to Joy?

September 1, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

“Perhaps ultimately, spiritual simply means experiencing wholeness and interconnectedness directly, seeing that individuality and the totality are interwoven, that nothing is separate or extraneous. If you see in this way, then everything becomes spiritual in its deepest sense.” Jon Kabat-Zinn

What is mindfulness? I define my mind as a process in my body that is related to others and myself that regulates the flow of energy and information. Also, the tasks of the human mind are to monitor and change things. Mindfulness includes different exercises that improve my ability to monitor and modify my internal world. The basic element of mindfulness is focusing on something or some process. We can focus on our breath during mindfulness meditation. In yoga, we focus on our postures. During tai chi, we focus on movements. In qigong, we focus on the sense of motion of energy. While practicing centering prayer, we focus on words. During walking meditation, we focus on our feet. Daniel Siegel writes, that “over 100 years ago, the father of modern psychology, William James (1890/1981), said that such a practice of returning a wandering attention back to its target again and again would be ‘education par excellence.’”

There is a difference between concentration and mindfulness, according to Dr. Roger Walsh. Concentration allows us to direct our attention to whatever we wish to experience. Mindfulness enables us to explore our experiences sensitivity. Mindfulness is where we bring greater awareness to each activity. We are more present in each moment. Another gift of mindfulness is that we catch subtle experiences of which we usually remain unaware.

Dr. Walsh writes mindfulness “enhances our awareness of relationships, the world around us, and the world within us.” It also frees us from our automatic mindless reactions and heals the mind. According to the National Institutes for Health, there are 18 million Americans that practice meditation of some kind. Meditation improves the health of our body as well as our mind. It lowers the risk for cancer and heart disease. Meditation makes us happier.

Please watch this body awareness mediation video with Judith Peterson and learn about the path to joy.

Most of our thinking is subconscious. Only a small part of our brain is engaged in conscious thinking. The areas of your brain that are engaged with consciousness thinking will process about forty nerve impulses per second on a normal day. The brain areas which are involved with activity outside of your consciousness will process forty million nerve impulses per second on a normal day. Only a fraction of your brain is engaged in conscious thinking.

Donna Eden and David Feinstein write that “your subconscious mind is the storehouse of the lessons life has taught you as well as your natural abilities and intuitive wisdom. Along with countless automated actions as mundane as putting on your shoes, your subconscious mind holds innumerable instructions for more complex actions and has access to transcendent sources of inspiration for solving the bewildering problems life presents and for pursuing your most creative aspirations. While your subconscious mind is an enormous sound guidance that is available 24/7, it also stores past hurts, self-limiting beliefs, unresolved conflicts, and dysfunctional behavioral strategies. So it doesn’t always work to your advantage.”

Bruce Lipton cites studies that reveal 65 percent of our thoughts are negative or repetitive and unnecessary. Our mind is thinking thoughts that are not important and disturbing most of the time.  Additional studies indicate that people spend 50% of their time awake not thinking about what they are doing, but something else. When our mind drifts away from what we are doing, we become unhappy. There is another problem with a mind that strays from the present moment. As our mind wanders, our subconscious mind takes over. This is when we do things that interfere with our own success. We undermine our desires, because of our subconscious thinking.

We have repetitive patterns in our subconscious thinking that lead to behavior that is not flexible and responsive to our present set of circumstances. For example, a husband may be talking with his wife and experiencing fear from a memory about his dad when he was 5 years old. Fear is a signal of possible danger. His thinking and energy is preparing his body and mind for crisis. He may not be able to listen well, because he is scanning for what is dangerous in what his wife is saying. He may want to end the conversation and leave, because he is afraid. These reactions and his poor listening have an effect on his wife. She doesn’t feel understood. Her husband’s reactions do not make sense to her. The more that he has conversations with her where he is not present, the less trust the husband and his wife will have with each other.

Dr. Ron Siegel traces these type of reactions to the harsh lives of our ancestors who lived and survived great dangers millions of years ago. He describes the mechanisms of our brain that make us miserable. These are the reactions:
1. Focusing on what is bad
2. Being stuck in a stress response – heart beating faster, muscles tense, sweating, acid released to stomach for digestion
3. Comparing myself to others
4. Avoiding what is unpleasant
5. Envisioning a future with assumptions of what could go wrong

The good news is that our brains are flexible. At any age, we can acquire new information, process the new knowledge in our brain, and develop new ideas. As a result of our learning, we think differently and our brain physically changes. The idea that “I am who I am” is false. You can remake yourself, like remodeling a house. The name of this is plasticity. Our brain changes as a response to each new experience, each new thought, and every new idea we learn. At any age, our brain is like playdough; we can move it and shape it.

Dr. Joe Dispenza writes that meditation can change how the brain works. He described the research. Meditation alters brain wave patterns. Another benefit of meditation is that it grows “new brain cells that are the product of inner mindfulness . . . . Most of the participants (in the research study) were average people with jobs and families, who meditated only 40 minutes a day.”

Please watch this video by Santa Clara County’s first Poet Laureate, Nils Peterson on the gift of focus.

Key Words:
Blog 19
Blogs by Daniel Davis, mindfulness
Joe Dispenza, meditation changes the brain
Donna Eden and David Feinstein
William James
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Bruce Lipton, negative and redundant thinking
Nils Peterson, presence
Judith Peterson, mindfulness
Ron Siegel
Daniel Siegel, mindfulness
Roger Walsh, mindfulness
brain adaptability
meditation
mindfulness
“Do You Know the Secret to Joy?”

Filed Under: Blog, Mindfulness, Uncategorized Tagged With: adaptability, brain, Bruce Lipton, changes, Daniel Siegel, David Feinstein, Donna Eden, Joe Dispenza, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Judith Peterson, meditation, mindfulness, negative and redundant thinking, Nils Peterson, presence, Roger Walsh, Ron Siegel, William James

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About Daniel Davis, LMFT

I create an environment where clients experience their unique significance, authentic empowerment, and profound acceptance and collaborate with clients to identify solutions to their current crises. For more information on how I can help you, contact me today by calling 408-249-0014 or emailing info@danieldavislmft.com. I look forward to speaking with you! Read More…

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Daniel Davis, M.A., LMFT
Counselor in Santa Clara, CA
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