Projection Archives - Daniel Davis, LMFT

Do You See What I See?

February 7, 2017 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

We assume we are so evolved in our modern world. We have amazing technology – iPhones, Tesla cars, Japanese trains that speed at 374 miles per hour. Yet as humans, we remain fragile. We are vulnerable to over-reaction and self-deception. “When I fall in love, it will be forever. And I’ll never fall in love again,” sings Nat King Cole.

Falling in love can feel like having my feet swept out from under me. I may see my beloved as flawless. All I want to talk about are the astonishing qualities of my beloved. As I talk about my beloved, I feel high – like I am on cocaine. Such is the power of projection.

Our self-deception can enable us to take on worthy challenges, like education, marriage, or parenting. Yet our ambitious decisions can also lead to chaos, disease, and even death.

We may believe in modern life that we are free of the superstitions of our ancestors, yet this 2 million year old archaic mind is present in each of us. It will operate unconsciously in our lives. If we fail to honor our archaic mind, the cost is very high. Yet if we do integrate the wisdom of our unconscious mind, our lives are enriched beyond measure.

Please watch this video by Manuel Costa on projection:

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What Do You Think?

May 17, 2016 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

“I have learned, and am still learning, to slow down my thinking processes in order to allow a deeper knowing to come through. I am learning that the most important thing we can do is listen – to each other and to the natural rhythms that surround us,” writes Glen Aparicio Parry.

Our thinking is not our own. We assume that our thoughts are generated from our brain. We assume that we as humans create our own thoughts. What if this was not reality?

Indigenous peoples believe that humans are connected to nature. Human beings and nature are one. When we separate people, animals, things, or events from nature, we are able to study them in a neat and tidy way. Yet when we obtain knowledge in this abstract way, the knowledge is no longer connected to the cycles and rhythms of the whole landscape. With the study of natural phenomenon, we emphasized our objectivity. We separate ourselves from the things that we are studying.

We then shift the credit from nature to ourselves. We see the world as dead unless we are observing it. “If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?”

When we observe nature, we are stopping it to measure it or take a photo of that instant. “When we stop the unfolding rhythms of nature, then we imagine that our projection of consciousness unto nature is the only motion occurring,” writes Glen Aparicio Parry.

We become inflated as human beings and assume powers over time and nature that we do not possess. We falsely assume that we have the power of divinity and claim it for our own. In the Western world, we ferociously move forward toward innovation and a belief that we are mastering nature. This progress has led to remarkable accomplishments. Yet with our achievements, we become blind to other cultures with ideas that may contradict our collective beliefs about nature and science.

If we let go of our excessive thinking and are more accepting, then we are able to gradually move toward inner peace. We are able to realize that our mental activity by itself with not solve our problems. Our constant thinking can create more problems than it solves.

If we are able to find a way to detach ourselves, we can experience happiness. Yet if we believe that acquiring cars, money, lovers, or approval will make us happy, then we will never find it. Happiness can be found in what is whole and complete inside of us. “Inside we possess original mind, the ground of being we all share,” writes Glen Aparicio Parry.

“The good news, however, is that we are approaching the end of the era of the rational mind as the predominant mode of consciousness. The beginning of the unfolding of an intuitive (and more feminine) way of knowing is upon us. Rational thought, frequently associated with masculine principle, will not go away, but it will no longer be our master. The emerging integral consciousness will include our physical, emotional, mental structures, and these will underlie a new more inclusive understanding (wherein the rational will be literally standing under the intuitive) . . . .we need to put aside the negativity and confusion of the past and remember our connections with all human beings and all creatures. . . A new day is upon us . . . the only way we can make the transition successfully is to wipe away our tears and walk hand in hand together with one mind and spirit. . . We need to recapture what it means to be fully human in order to usher in a new era of integral consciousness, in which the full spectrum of human potential is activated,” writes Glen Aparicio Parry.

Please watch this video about Psych-K which is one way of achieving a whole brain state:

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Anima and Animus

April 12, 2016 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Have you ever been carried away with a mood? We can be swept away with our emotions and thoughts. A mood can come over us, and we may look back and think, “I just wasn’t myself today.”

One way to think about these emotional storms is that there is a psychological benefit to these reactions. Carl Jung identified the animus and anima as parts of ourselves that erupt and interfere with our relationships and work. A woman has an animus, and a man has an anima. June Singer writes that “anima and animus are those unconscious part of ourselves that carry the mystery of sex which is not ours.”

How we identify with our masculine gender role or feminine gender role can vary greatly from one culture to another. It is obvious that there are – in fact – differences between men and woman. Whether these differences are more psychological or physical is debatable as well as complex. Yet it is obvious that men and women are different.

These differences show up in our dreams and fantasies. The anima shows up in a man’s dreams as an image of a woman, whereas the animus shows up in a woman as an image of a man. This is because the anima and animus are related to what is the opposite of our conscious attitude. When we mature, we develop the opposite attitude to what we cling to in our youth. “Men have dared to discover their vulnerability and their feeling side, while women – more confident now of their strengths – are beginning to take risks which would have frightened them before,” writes June Singer.

Animus is defined as a “usually prejudiced and often spiteful or malevolent ill will” or a “strong feeling of dislike or hatred.” Aminus is the masculine form of the word soul in latin. Yet the animus is not as much masculinity repressed as it is the unconscious other that a woman is prevented from being in her daily life. The part of herself that is furthest from her waking life is what makes up a woman’s animus.

Carl Jung describes the animus as a strange passivity. “In the depths of the woman’s being, the animus whispers: ‘You are hopeless. What’s the use of trying? There is no point in doing anything. Life will never change for the better.’”

When a woman is able to separate herself from her animus, she is able to see that part of herself objectively. She is able to be detached and just notice these negative thoughts and feelings. She does not fall into the false belief that these thoughts are her thoughts. When she simply observes these thoughts and realizes that her response to them makes all the difference, she is able to main a healthy detachment.

A woman’s animus assists her in becoming a complete person by shifting repressed energy into active and creative pursuits. The animus does have negative qualities such as “brutality, recklessness, empty talk, and silent, obstinate evil ideas.” Yet the animus also has a positive and valuable side. The animus can “build a bridge to the Self through creative activity.”

For a man, the anima, represents his unconscious feminine other. The anima symbolically represents the eternal feminine. For a woman, the animus represents her unconscious masculine. Conversely, the animus stands for the eternal masculine. Robert Johnson writes that the “anima and the animus function most effectively for us as mediators between the conscious and unconscious parts of personality.”

When one learns to work with the animus or anima, one discovers a certain kind of genius within oneself. Please watch is short video by Judith Peterson on the animus and learn how to work with this energy to improve how you feel, behave, and feel:

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Do You have a Faith that Works?

March 28, 2016 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

“Thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning, for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true, at evening will have become a lie.” Quote by Carl Jung

Our lives have different eras. What was true when we are young is a lie at midlife. When we are young our lives are focused on educating ourselves, obtaining work, and finding love. These are the appropriate tasks of our early life. We may get married and have children.

Our initial experience of religion is often about certainty. It creates meaning about being a separate individual. If we practice the correct rituals and believe the correct rules – dogma – then we will be saved. Someone translates other people’s experience of God. Yet this level of religion does not change the consciousness of the person. It is all about me – saving myself. This level of spirituality consoles the self and this is needed. It defends us. The problem is that we can use this type of religion to not become a more loving person. We can justify our self-centeredness.

Spirituality can also be transformative. As a young person we need to develop our ego boundaries by separating from our parents. We need to leave home psychologically and develop an identity of our own. We need to distinguish our values from those of our parents and friends. It is important to have meaningful work to do.

About 35 to 45, we reach midlife. Jung called this the afternoon of life. We have the opportunity to grow into a deeper consciousness not possible in our younger years. Richard Rohr says: “This process of transformation does not fortify the separate self, but utterly shatters it. Not consolation but devastation. Not entrenchment, but emptiness. Not complacency, but explosion. Not comfort, but revolution. In short – not a conventional bolstering of my usual consciousness, but a radical transmutation and transformation at the deepest seat of consciousness itself.” Our transformation comes indirectly, “catching us off guard and out of control. We have to be empty instead of full.”

Richard Rohr goes on to say: “The lust for certitude. The lust for answers the last 500 years of the Western Church has not served us well. Once we lost our spirituality of darkness for light, there just wasn’t as much room for growth any more. Everything was . . . words.”

Our journey of spirituality inevitable leads inward. There are many paths on this inward spiritual journey, but they all lead to an experience of the divine. This conscious knowing leads us outward again toward others. We are willing to risk vulnerability to join with others in intimacy. Our spirituality isn’t about looking good, but simply loving others. Please watch this video by Bob Epperly on centering prayer to discover one of many paths inward toward the center of our being:

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What is Your Mindset?

February 16, 2016 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Does someone’s intelligence change? In the early twentieth century, Alfred Binet invented the I.Q. test as a way to identify children who were not benefiting from the public schools in Paris, France. The hope was that new educational methods could be developed to help these children who were not progressing in Paris public schools. Binet writes: “With practice, training, and above all, method, we manage to increase attention, our memory, and our judgment and literally to become more intelligent than we here before.”

With the recent finding in neuroscience, scientists are finding that we have more capacity for learning and the development of our brain for our entire lives. Robert Sternberg writes that the most important reason that someone becomes an expert is “not some fixed prior ability, but purposeful engagement.”

A mindset is defined as “a person’s way of thinking and their opinions.” A fixed mindset means that the person believes that their qualities are carved in stone. Success is about being more gifted than others. They are constantly comparing themselves with others. This attitude means that the person must prove them self over and over again. They do not believe in effort. If you are talented, they you do not have to work hard. They assume that they are either good at something or not. They do not realize that some things take time to learn.

When someone has the fixed mindset, their focus is on looking good and being flawless. People with a fixed mindset do not like challenges. They may walk away when challenges get too difficult. Those with a fixed mindset tend to look for others to blame for their mistakes. They greatly fail to estimate their ability and their performance.

As students they are most interested in proving their ability. They have higher levels of depression. “They tormented themselves with the idea that setbacks meant they were incompetent or unworthy. . . . Failure labeled them and left them no route to success,” writes Dr. Carol Dweck.

A growth mindset assumes that success is about being the best self you can be. It assumes that a person’s true potential can never be known. The growth mindset is the idea that our ability can be developed with effort. As students, they let go of how successful or intelligent that they appear to others. They focus on learning and are willing to ask questions that reveal that they do not know. When we believe that we can develop ourselves, then we are also open to hearing about our faults. In fact, failure is an opportunity to learn about yourself.

We can learn how to change our attitude to a growth mindset. When we change to a growth mindset, our ideas about change and effort will change as well. Please watch this video by Bob Epperly on taking responsibility in business and learn about working with a growth mindset:

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What Are The Benefits of Falling in Love?

November 17, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

“Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
Nothing you can say, but you can learn
How to play the game
It’s easy.
Nothing you can make that can’t be made.
No one you can save that can’t be saved.
Nothing you can do, but you can learn
How to be you in time
It’s easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.

There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known.
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.
There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where
You’re meant to be
It’s easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
All you need is love. (All together now).
All you need is love. (Everybody).
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
Love is all you need.
Love is all you need

(Yesterday)
(Oh yeah)
(She love you, yeah, yeah, yeah)
(She love you, yeah, yeah, yeah)
(Oh, yesterday)”

“All You Need is Love”
Written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
Performed by the Beatles

Falling in love is something that seems larger than normal human life, if we believe what we see in films, hear in love songs, and read in books. I think that authentic love is different from infatuation. We see images of intense emotions, newness, physical attraction, and erotic passion. Yet what begins as such a beautiful vision can turn into possessiveness, control, and addiction.

There are several types of emotions motivating us to fall in love and develop a relationship. We experience desire which not only draws us toward romantic love, but also leads us to possibly form a relationship with our beloved and even mature as an individual. Excitement and joy are also emotions that we experience when we fall in love. Some people have never fallen in love, probably because their desire, joy, and/or excitement are blocked in some way. It is possible to resolve these blocks and experience falling in love for the first time.

The energy of falling in love serves another purpose. When we fall in love with someone, we are attracted to aspects of our beloved. “When we awaken to a new possibility in our lives, we first see it in another person,” writes Robert Johnson. “We project our developing potential onto someone, and suddenly we’re consumed with him or her.” These possibilities are the unlived potential in our own life.

If we fail to become conscious of our potential emerging and develop these qualities in ourselves, problems arise in our intimate relationships. As we progress in the relationship, we often demand that our beloved fills in our missing pieces. We have an opportunity to grow in awareness in personal power, but we may fail to do so. We do not see our beloved objectively, but only as a reflection of our own undeveloped potential. For example, I may demand that my beloved is kind to me, when I really need to learn to be kind to myself.

Ninety-five percent of our thinking is subconscious. We acquire our subconscious patterns from our experience during pregnancy inside our mother’s womb and then during first seven years of life. If we act out our subconscious programming, then too often we inflict upon our beloved the very things we find so intolerable.

Yet there is another kind of love other than infatuation. “Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; actually it is a state of awareness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others,” writes David Hawkins.

This kind of love has been written about for centuries. The Greek word “agape” means a sense of love as unconditional goodwill. An old Hebrew word “ahabah” means to kindle a fire from something easily set ablaze, like withered leaves or dry sticks. The word can also mean, paradoxically, to grow or produce something slowly from an enclosure or from a secret place.
We can see that falling in love is a spark from which secret treasures may emerge. This treasure requires the work of love – to bring about a greater love over time.

If I learn some simple skills, then it is possible to change the way I love others. When I learn to balance my brain, I can see reality more clearly. This enables me to see my beloved more accurately. When I learn to calm my emotions, I do not need my beloved like a drug. I am not dependent on my romantic partner. I am free to love and live with wisdom.

One of the benefits of love is that the feelings associated with falling in love release chemicals in our bodies that help us be healthier, compassionate, and creative. Love is mysterious and rich in possibility.

David Hawkins writes: “Love is unconditional, unchanging, and permanent. It does not fluctuate because its source within the person is not dependent on external conditions. Love is a state of being. It is a way of relating to the world that is forgiving, nurturing, and supportive. Love is not intellectual and does not proceed from the mind. Love emanates from the heart. It has the capacity to love others and accomplish great feats because of its purity of motive. . . . As reason is bypassed, there arises the capacity for instantaneous recognition of context, especially regarding time and process. . . . Love focuses on the goodness of life in all its expressions and augments that which is positive. It dissolves negativity by recontextualing it rather than by attacking it. This is the level of true happiness.”

Please watch this video by Judith Peterson as she discusses the experience of falling in love:

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Robert A Johnson
David Hawkins
John Lennon
Paul McCartney
Judith Peterson
agape
ahabah
“All You Need is Love,” song
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Beatles
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Greek
infatuation
love as a state of awareness
love, definition
Old Hebrew
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unlived potential
“What Are The Benefits of Falling in Love?”

Falling In Love

September 23, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

What is an Animus Projection?

September 21, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Projection

September 21, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Have You Ever Overreacted With Someone You Love?

August 4, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

“Jesus formulated the conception of psychological projection two thousand years before depth psychology: ‘Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye with never a thought for the great plank in your own eye?,’” writes Dr. Edward Edinger.

Carl Jung defines projection as when we see something in someone or something else, unintentionally, because of our subconscious mind. Dr. Bruce Lipton says that only five percent of our thinking it conscious. I am aware that I am typing at this moment. Yet my mind is active in many other ways – beating my heart, regulating my breath, digesting the hamburger I ate for lunch, and missing the woman I love. Therefore, ninety-five percent of our thinking is subconscious, meaning we are not aware of it. What we project onto a person or thing is part of our own mind or we might say Soul. Dr. Marie Von Franz writes that when we are projecting, we see something that is not there or only there in a small way. Usually there is a small part of what is being projected in the person or thing; rarely is there nothing in the person or object of what is projected.

Robert Johnson writes “when we awaken to a new possibility in our lives, we often see it first in another person. A part of us that has been hidden is about emerge, but it doesn’t go in a straight line from the unconscious to consciousness. It travels by way of an intermediary. We project our developing potentials onto someone, and suddenly we’re consumed with him or her. The first inkling that something in us is attempting to change is when we see another person sparkle for us.”

We may fall in love. Another example of projecting is when I can see my teacher as knowing everything. Another is when Jeff sees his dad as being mean and stupid. While it is true that people can be highly intelligent or stupid, a projection is an exaggeration. This problem with thinking is called, cognitive dissonance. Jeff thought his dad was so powerful and nice, but now Jeff’s dad seems dumb and nasty.

Where do projections begin? In the case of romantic love, we fall in love with someone who reflects the positive and negative qualities of our parents. Let’s say Jeff’s dad is a kind person and an engineer who works with computers. His dad is bright and does nice things for Jeff. Yet when Jeff’s dad gets mad, he yells and says things that do not make sense. If this is the case, Jeff will likely fall in love with a woman with kindness and intelligence. Yet she may have a temper and say irrational things at times. John Sanford points out that when we project on our beloved or anyone else, we either undervalue them or over value them. I may fall in love with someone and not see many of their faults. We may see the worst in our teacher and not see their sincere attempt to teach us something of value.

We can ruin our marriage with projections. A husband may demand that his wife have more sex, when he actually may need to develop his ability to connect with others by developing his social skills. A wife may complain to her husband that he does not talk, when she may need to learn to be quiet and listen to herself by writing in her journal or doing counseling. Intimate relationships work when they support the growth of each partner, children, other family, or friends. A marriage is a way to grow, but it also can be a way to avoid growing up.

It is helpful to make notes about this process of understanding a projection. I can learn to separate my projections from other people and things. First, I know that I am projecting when I have an emotional reaction larger than the situation. When I feel a great deal of anger because someone spit toothpaste on the mirror, then it is way too big – an exaggeration. To find out where it originates from I focus on the feeling of anger. I close my eyes and feel the sensations in my body. I notice where they are located in my body. Do I feel heat in my face and tension in my arms and hands? Just notice. Write it down in your journal.

Then, I close my eyes and relax, breathing slowly and deeply for a few minutes. Next, I focus on the event, like seeing the toothpaste spit on the mirror. I feel the anger and notice the sensations of anger in my body. Then, I let my mind wander back in time to the earliest time I felt the same way. This memory often represents the origin of the projection. It also is a part of a neural network in our mind. This is like a tree which has a negative thought and emotions as its root, like I am a filthy pig. The memory is my mother screaming at me, because someone obviously spit on the mirror of our family home. My mother yells at me and says, “You are a filthy pig!”

Watch this video from and learn more about how to work with projection.

Note: Carl Jung identified both a conscious mind and the unconscious mind. The Subconscious Mind was partly conscious and partly unconscious. Dr. Jung asserted that the Unconscious Mind is “really unconscious,” meaning we know nothing of it by our conscious mind. We can only see the influence of the Unconscious Mind in the Subconscious Mind. Modern research on the Conscious Mind and the Subconscious Mind differs in language from the writing of Carl Jung, but supports many of the general ideas of Dr. Jung’s writing during his long career and life that ended in 1961.

The term “Neural Network” relates to modern therapies like EMDR that work with the brain and its functioning. These “Neural Networks” are composed of thoughts, emotions, sensations, and memories – some conscious (Explicit Memories) and some subconscious (Implicit Memories).

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