Daniel Davis, LMFT

  • Home
  • Counseling Services
    • Relationship Counseling
    • Career Counseling
    • Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)
    • Spiritual Transitions
    • Addiction Treatment
    • Trauma Treatment
    • Couples Counseling
    • Depression Treatment
    • Anxiety Counseling and Stress Management
    • Anger Management
    • Grief and Loss
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • About Daniel Davis
  • Client Forms
  • Contact

How do I calm down?

May 12, 2015 By Daniel Davis, LMFT Leave a Comment

Think about the most mature and likable person you know.  They are probably flexible, highly skillful, and self-aware in the area of emotions and relationships.  She or he will genuinely and with confidence increase happiness and excitement as well as calm shame and anger inside her or himself.

It is like a thermostat inside of us.  A system of balancing our inner and outer worlds.  Sometimes, this system works very well, increasing our joy, desire, excitement at the best times.  Our anger, sadness, and fear will decrease as needed when this emotional system works well.  When this emotional system is not functioning well, we have trouble with our relationships and getting things done, like homework or tasks at work.

In the book, “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” JK Rowling writes: “Get too near a dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. . .You’ll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.” Experiencing a dementor seems to be like being depressed.

Harry Potter learns to concentrate, with all his might, on a single, very happy memory.  This frees Harry Potter from the haunting clutches of dementors.  Great writers and directors of movies, like J.K. Rowling, William Shakespeare, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, know how to change the emotions of readers or moviegoers.

In order to have healthy, satisfying relationships and learn and work productively, we need to influence our emotions internally.  We can try to use external methods such as food, movies, alcohol, drugs, sex, computer games, or controlling others to calm our upsetting emotions, but they eventually fail to soothe us.

Yet we can also regulate our emotions internally by changing our breathing, physical exercise, self-talk, and focusing on an images of safety, affirmation, and validation.  With healthy emotional regulation, the goal is to be aware of your body and calm unpleasant emotions, not feel numb.  Unfortunately, a vast majority of men have difficulty even sensing the emotions in their bodies and describing them in words.

Emotional regulation is a skill we can learn with practice.  Over time, it begins to happen naturally, just like learning to tie your shoes.  Do you think about it when you tie your shoes?  Put simply, healthy emotional self-regulation is responding to challenges of a situation with a level emotion allowing mature actions.  Affect Centered Therapy teaches us the skills to calm our sadness or fear.

John Omaha, Ph.D., MFT, the creator of Affect Centered Therapy and author of the book, “Psychotherapeutic Interventions for Emotional Regulation: EMDR and Bilateral Stimulation for Affect Management,” is in private practice in Santa Rosa, California in the United States of America.  In this video, John demonstrates the important skill of down regulating emotion.

Key Words:

Blog 3
Blogs by Daniel Davis, Emotional Down Regulation 1
John Omaha, Emotional Down Regulation 1
J.K. Rowlings
Affect Management Skills Training (AMST), Emotional Down Regulation 1
Emotional Down Regulation
“Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” book
self soothing
How do I calm down?
Affect Centered Therapy

Filed Under: AMST (Affect Management Skills Training), Blog Tagged With: Affect Centered Therapy, Affect Management Skills Training, Bilateral Stimulation, Emotional Down Regulation, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, J.K. Rowlings, John Omaha, self soothing

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

“Do-It-Yourself” Resources

Access an ever-growing library of “do-it-yourself” informational and instructional videos, articles, and blog posts in over 30 different categories ranging from “Calming Oneself” to “Balancing Your Brain” to “Self-Care” … [GET STARTED…]

About Daniel Davis, LMFT

I create an environment where clients experience their unique significance, authentic empowerment, and profound acceptance and collaborate with clients to identify solutions to their current crises. For more information on how I can help you, contact me today by calling 408-249-0014 or emailing info@danieldavislmft.com. I look forward to speaking with you! Read More…

Connect with Me

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • YouTube

Search This Site…

Location

I provide Virtual Counseling, E-Counseling, and Online Counseling and Psychotherapy Services as well as Phone Therapy Sessions to residents of California. As such, you can access any of my services at a location of your choosing. Please contact me today for more information and to find out how I can help you!

Contact Me Today!

To further explore how I can help empower the changes which will make your life more meaningful and content, use the contact form to ask any questions you have or call me at 408-249-0014 to schedule an initial consultation.

Connect with Me

Want to keep up with what I'm doing as well as received helpful tips and suggestions? Join me on...

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • YouTube
verified by Psychology Today

Daniel Davis, M.A., LMFT
Counselor in Santa Clara, CA
Professional Seal for Daniel Davis

Daniel Davis, LMFT - Virtual Counseling, E-Counseling, and Online Counseling Services in California.
 
Copyright © 2023 Daniel Davis, LMFT · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use

Therapist Website by AbundantPractices